Today I am angry. Right now I am also feeling like I should die. I deserve death for my many stupid and foolish choices I make everyday. I could sit and feel sorry fo myself, but I am too angry. I am angry that I fall into Satans traps so easily. Another test, another failure. You know what I mean? Whay do I so easily fall? Why do I do the things I don't want to so, and not do the things I know I should?!
Time and time again I feel the dread, the shame, the feeling I can not even lift my head to look towards heaven to see His face. I don't deserve His grace or forgivenes. I know I will have it, but sometimes I partially don't want it because I feel I need to feel bad, to be punished. I don't deserve to live.
Please forgive me Lord. Please for give my foolishness, my weakness. Stregnthen me so that I might walk in Your way. I give this broken life to You. Please make it into something that can be for Your glory. Please...forgive me. I don't deserve it, I know. And yet again I have put another nail in your wrist. I am not only sorry, I know what I do is wrong. I am so fallen and don't deserve to get up. Please use me as you please to accompish Your will, not mine. I don't wish to hurt you anymore, even though I know I will.
Thank you for your forgiveness and freedom to fail. I will again try to stand, even though my grif is enough to evertake me. I feel like I can not ask anything of you, I don't deserve it, yet I know you ask me to.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Happy Birthday?!
Today is my birthday....yep, I'm here at work where I know I am on the ignore list as far as birthdays are concerned. I've gone to pretty much every single impromptu birthday celebration with cake and whatever, but when my birthday comes around it doesn't seem to mean anything. I don't get it. What did I do? What did I not do? I've been here for close to six years and I still don't get the time a day when it comes to my birthday. Oh well, what am I getting upset about? This is corporate America isn't it? Isn't this what I should expect from a corporation and people who show favoritism and "who you know" get's you ahead? It's stupid!
Happy Birthday to me!! Big flippan deal!
Happy Birthday to me!! Big flippan deal!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Truth?!
There are times I just want to write. I just want to relay my thoughts in an interrupted flow of consciencness. But alas, this is not to be. Something, including my own thoughts wandering, get in the way and stop me.
There's a thing that got me thinking lately. It's called "The Truth Project", a seminar that teaches what "real truth" is. You know, I think it's a great thing, but I also think it's sad that even us who profess to have the truth don't know what we are talking about most of the time. I find it interesting that most of those I work with who profess to be "saved" are some of the most offensive people I have ever met. These people are the ones who cause people like me to have a bad name and look like hipocrites. Why?
The truth, let me get back to that. I find it interesting that people state they have thier "own view" on the truth. What the heck is that? Truth is like fact, either it is or is not. There's no interpretation of the truth. Like facts, they are not up for interpretation. They are facts. Putting facts together can lead one to a conclusion. But if everyone has the same facts and actually recognizes them for what they are, facts, no one could come up with any other conclusion but the truth! The truth is what really is, not what someone sees it is! That's like saying that your "version" of blue sky is not mine. That's stupid! Blue sky is blue sky, nothing else!
It's interesting that dictionaries seem to agree with this word meaning basically "what really is". It's also amazing to note that "the media" in general has no idea of this definition and has lost sight of the fact this is what they should be reporting. Instead we get a load of bias rhetoric by whoever may be the majority controlling power of whatever channel we are watching. Thus why I don't watch the news very often. What's the point? If I wanted to know somone else's opinion on something I would ask them. Not the newscaster, my friends or family. What there is left of that!
The truth project sounds like a great thing. Maybe it will actually get people to realize what the truth is. . . . . . . . okay maybe that's just too much to ask for!
There's a thing that got me thinking lately. It's called "The Truth Project", a seminar that teaches what "real truth" is. You know, I think it's a great thing, but I also think it's sad that even us who profess to have the truth don't know what we are talking about most of the time. I find it interesting that most of those I work with who profess to be "saved" are some of the most offensive people I have ever met. These people are the ones who cause people like me to have a bad name and look like hipocrites. Why?
The truth, let me get back to that. I find it interesting that people state they have thier "own view" on the truth. What the heck is that? Truth is like fact, either it is or is not. There's no interpretation of the truth. Like facts, they are not up for interpretation. They are facts. Putting facts together can lead one to a conclusion. But if everyone has the same facts and actually recognizes them for what they are, facts, no one could come up with any other conclusion but the truth! The truth is what really is, not what someone sees it is! That's like saying that your "version" of blue sky is not mine. That's stupid! Blue sky is blue sky, nothing else!
It's interesting that dictionaries seem to agree with this word meaning basically "what really is". It's also amazing to note that "the media" in general has no idea of this definition and has lost sight of the fact this is what they should be reporting. Instead we get a load of bias rhetoric by whoever may be the majority controlling power of whatever channel we are watching. Thus why I don't watch the news very often. What's the point? If I wanted to know somone else's opinion on something I would ask them. Not the newscaster, my friends or family. What there is left of that!
The truth project sounds like a great thing. Maybe it will actually get people to realize what the truth is. . . . . . . . okay maybe that's just too much to ask for!