Today I am angry. Right now I am also feeling like I should die. I deserve death for my many stupid and foolish choices I make everyday. I could sit and feel sorry fo myself, but I am too angry. I am angry that I fall into Satans traps so easily. Another test, another failure. You know what I mean? Whay do I so easily fall? Why do I do the things I don't want to so, and not do the things I know I should?!
Time and time again I feel the dread, the shame, the feeling I can not even lift my head to look towards heaven to see His face. I don't deserve His grace or forgivenes. I know I will have it, but sometimes I partially don't want it because I feel I need to feel bad, to be punished. I don't deserve to live.
Please forgive me Lord. Please for give my foolishness, my weakness. Stregnthen me so that I might walk in Your way. I give this broken life to You. Please make it into something that can be for Your glory. Please...forgive me. I don't deserve it, I know. And yet again I have put another nail in your wrist. I am not only sorry, I know what I do is wrong. I am so fallen and don't deserve to get up. Please use me as you please to accompish Your will, not mine. I don't wish to hurt you anymore, even though I know I will.
Thank you for your forgiveness and freedom to fail. I will again try to stand, even though my grif is enough to evertake me. I feel like I can not ask anything of you, I don't deserve it, yet I know you ask me to.
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