I am trying hard to not be anxious. Here I am on the edge of the possibility of a new job, that could be close to the "perfect" job for me. It has so far, everything I have been looking for in a job. I'm nervous as I wait to find out whether they will even be considering me out of however many people they have had apply, or have found. I don't know what my competition is, what is reasonable as far as salary goes, or what all is expected of me as far as travel in concerned. I know I would be flying out from time to time for meetings and such, but outside of that I don't know what's expected.
I have several questions, that I will ask if I am interviewed and asked to come on.
My biggest problem is not knowing what's going on. When I don't have a ll the facts, I worry, I get tentative, and I stress out. I know I shouldn't but I do anyway.
Well, I will continue on just "being" until I hear something. I guess I should just keep praying and hoping that this is the job and that it will be a blessing to me.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
What the HECK!?!?
Okay, I am getting more than a little pissed!
Okay, I find out that my wife's grandfather just died and his side of the family had no intention of telling anyone. What a bunch of mindless jerks! This was the last of her grandparents, she has none alive anymore, even on my side they are all gone.
Let's couple this with the fact I still can't get a job and we are going on the third month!
Then we add in to the mix my mother found two lumps in her breast and the doctor confirmed that they were there. The doctor stated she should not lose any sleep over it and they would be doing a biopsy on Tuesday next week....but come on, breast cancer runs in her family, thus in mine!
Now let's get back to the whhole job thing. I have on my computer several sofware programs that I use on a regular basis. They are left overs from the places i have worked and they are professional grade. They just went nuts and are not working properly. . . . why not. . . . .
Without these programs I will be unable to edit or produce any more portfolio pieces. I think I am going to crawl under my bed and cry for a bit.
All of this, along with a bunch of other stuff, keeps making me want to question whether I was really supposed to move out here or not. I don't know......well, yes I do, at least I thought I did.
Why do we need to go through all of this again?! WHY?! How much more are we supposed to lose before it's enough?
My heart aches.
Okay, I find out that my wife's grandfather just died and his side of the family had no intention of telling anyone. What a bunch of mindless jerks! This was the last of her grandparents, she has none alive anymore, even on my side they are all gone.
Let's couple this with the fact I still can't get a job and we are going on the third month!
Then we add in to the mix my mother found two lumps in her breast and the doctor confirmed that they were there. The doctor stated she should not lose any sleep over it and they would be doing a biopsy on Tuesday next week....but come on, breast cancer runs in her family, thus in mine!
Now let's get back to the whhole job thing. I have on my computer several sofware programs that I use on a regular basis. They are left overs from the places i have worked and they are professional grade. They just went nuts and are not working properly. . . . why not. . . . .
Without these programs I will be unable to edit or produce any more portfolio pieces. I think I am going to crawl under my bed and cry for a bit.
All of this, along with a bunch of other stuff, keeps making me want to question whether I was really supposed to move out here or not. I don't know......well, yes I do, at least I thought I did.
Why do we need to go through all of this again?! WHY?! How much more are we supposed to lose before it's enough?
My heart aches.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Employment Woes...........
Okay, I need to know what is the deal? Here we have the economy going ape over the next president coming in when the exact opposite should be happening based upon what I kept hearing from the supporters of Obama. What's the deal?!
I am unemployed right now because I had to move out of state and even after my "employer" stated that we would be able to work things out since I worked remote for 99% of the time, they didn't want to work with me do here I sit.
I have most of my family and I's belongings in storage, which we have no income to pay for, we have a car that we have no income to pay on, and we have phones that will be going dark later this month! I have sent out and contacted over twenty different agencies, businesses and corporations and yet only three, yes only three, have had the decency to call me back or contact me in any way to let me know they are not interested.
Now I find that a company I used to work for has a position that I could easily fill, but they have a "client" that has a certain person in mind for them to hire for the position. I may not get consideration because this company wants to comit a crime and hire someone that the "client" wants there! Yes, it's illegal and WRONG! But what can I, the lowly consumer and unemployed person do?
I have tried to get other jobs that are out of my area of expertise, but I get the same response from all of them......."Over-qualified".......... This stinks!
So what am I to do?
I am unemployed right now because I had to move out of state and even after my "employer" stated that we would be able to work things out since I worked remote for 99% of the time, they didn't want to work with me do here I sit.
I have most of my family and I's belongings in storage, which we have no income to pay for, we have a car that we have no income to pay on, and we have phones that will be going dark later this month! I have sent out and contacted over twenty different agencies, businesses and corporations and yet only three, yes only three, have had the decency to call me back or contact me in any way to let me know they are not interested.
Now I find that a company I used to work for has a position that I could easily fill, but they have a "client" that has a certain person in mind for them to hire for the position. I may not get consideration because this company wants to comit a crime and hire someone that the "client" wants there! Yes, it's illegal and WRONG! But what can I, the lowly consumer and unemployed person do?
I have tried to get other jobs that are out of my area of expertise, but I get the same response from all of them......."Over-qualified".......... This stinks!
So what am I to do?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Dispair...
Lord be my refuge in this time of weary anguish.
Lord be my strength in this time of woe.
Please guide me and make my heart steadfast on you so that I will not slip into the abyss that so many times has claimed me. I feel my heart dropping and my eyes fill with tears.
I feel my whole being slowly dieing in a mass of depression and shame. I fell as a failure, as nothing again, my accomplishments are nothing, they lay waste before me in a pile of regret and lies. Or is it failure, or just that I can not see what you see at your vantage point?
I try but my attempts go unrealized, I fight against the coming threat of sadness, but I am weak. I have cried out many times, but I feel the wall once again rising between us and your voice once again fading into a whisper that is slowly strangled by my own despair and exhaustion.
I thought this was where you wanted me, I thought I was following the open doors, but maybe I am a fool, maybe I see openings where there are none. Maybe I am so wrong that I can fail at a moment's notice into a pit that only you could remove me.
I am fighting the regrets, seeing what I thought as right to be wrong. The "maybe's" overrun my mind with thoughts of foolishness.
Why? There is a question that haunts me, that drills on my head finding soft and new skin to penetrate and scar. I feel the pain of it's sting even now as I ponder what I have done. Have I failed you, have I failed my family? Will we once again find ourselves in the pit that we have escaped from, only with your help, several times before. This time, my fault, my lack of wisdom has brought us here.
Lord, help me. Please, help US.
If I need to fall, let it not hit my family. I despise what I see in the mirror. Why am I here? Why did I bring my family here? Why did I think I could be what I am not?
What am I to do?
Help, please.......
Lord be my strength in this time of woe.
Please guide me and make my heart steadfast on you so that I will not slip into the abyss that so many times has claimed me. I feel my heart dropping and my eyes fill with tears.
I feel my whole being slowly dieing in a mass of depression and shame. I fell as a failure, as nothing again, my accomplishments are nothing, they lay waste before me in a pile of regret and lies. Or is it failure, or just that I can not see what you see at your vantage point?
I try but my attempts go unrealized, I fight against the coming threat of sadness, but I am weak. I have cried out many times, but I feel the wall once again rising between us and your voice once again fading into a whisper that is slowly strangled by my own despair and exhaustion.
I thought this was where you wanted me, I thought I was following the open doors, but maybe I am a fool, maybe I see openings where there are none. Maybe I am so wrong that I can fail at a moment's notice into a pit that only you could remove me.
I am fighting the regrets, seeing what I thought as right to be wrong. The "maybe's" overrun my mind with thoughts of foolishness.
Why? There is a question that haunts me, that drills on my head finding soft and new skin to penetrate and scar. I feel the pain of it's sting even now as I ponder what I have done. Have I failed you, have I failed my family? Will we once again find ourselves in the pit that we have escaped from, only with your help, several times before. This time, my fault, my lack of wisdom has brought us here.
Lord, help me. Please, help US.
If I need to fall, let it not hit my family. I despise what I see in the mirror. Why am I here? Why did I bring my family here? Why did I think I could be what I am not?
What am I to do?
Help, please.......