Talking to the deaf......

You know, sometimes we feel like no matter how hard we try, nothing seems to get across. We explain an opposing position to a friend that just seems to not be able to grasp the complexity of what were saying......or simply would rather say they don't understand than actually admit they are wrong, but that's not what I am talking about. Whether you're right or wrong, one does want to be validated at one point or another. One can't be wrong always......can we?

But I digress.

Here's my situation. I have a person who has put me in a place where I have been totally immobilized to move in any direction. I know, I'm talking cryptic here....
Okay a little background. There is one that wishes to exert their "control" in my life, but up until just recently they have been unable to do so. Now comes the recently....

There are people in my family that have always been around this person, they have existed with this person for most, if not all, of their lives. This person has been proven to be manipulative, controlling and conniving on many, many, many occasions by all those that I mentioned here. They have seen how this person will say things to "twist" the truth just enough to make things seem one way, when they are not remotely close to what is being said. Yes, this is called lying. But again, I digress.

This person has been proven to tell one set of people one thing and turn around and tell another set something totally different in order to keep the two at odds enough that they won't compare notes. I have witnessed this so many times it has grown routine in my mind for this person.

Even after knowing that this person does this on a regular basis, these people still fall into the trap of doing EXACTLY WHAT THIS PERSON WANTS! I know, I know it sounds foolish, but understand that this person is VERY good at what they do!

Now to my situation. I have been put into this position: This person has told my wife and I one thing about a set of my family, meanwhile he has told this set of family something totally different in such a way as to put them at a distance from us. Now the way that this person has set things into motion and because of circumstances that I don't dare speak of even here, if I were to approach this problem, this situation with any of those in the set of family that this person has talked with, I would look bad and possibly put my immediate family at risk of some major problems. Sounds like blackmail, and in a way it is. This person has so cleverly manipulated people that before I could figure out what was happening, all was lost. Now I am in a position that no matter what I do, I look bad. If I avoid these people, which is in essence what this person wants me to do, I look bad, if I don't then I will be telling this person that they have won and inadvertently tell everyone else that everything is fine. So, when the truth is finally revealed, and believe me it will be, I will look like a fool anyway. So, what do I do?

I don't know. I'm praying a lot! And I am also wishing that something, somewhere would come out to expose this person for what they really are, what they have really done, and make it bad enough that they would change.

But, that's probably a pipe dream. For now, I live with my immediate family, alone.

Love, Commitment, and Grace

When my wife is gone visiting family or something, I really have a hard time. I miss her something fierce. After 14 years people have said that our "romance" should have subsided and that we should be "old hat" at being around each other. I am sorry, but every time I get around her I feel like I am back in high school with some kind of crush that I feel all awkward and the adrenalin rush is addictive. We have done nothing but grown closer the longer we have been together. It's strange because we have noticed that the "trend" is just the opposite. It seems that people expect a couple to grow apart as they spend more time with each other. It's also apparent that people almost resent the fact that we don't subscribe to that thought. We've had couples tell us about how close they have been to divorce, we haven't. There have been times when both of us have thought about leaving, but we agreed a long time ago that it wasn't an option, no matter what life may bring. We love each other more and more every day. She is so much a part of me I don't know what I would do without her. I pray that I can always be what she needs, even though I know I will be unable to be it always. I also pray that we will remain best friends forever. I think that's the real key. The term wife and husband have been so watered down that people forget that being married means you are each other's best friend, forever. You think of the other person first, do what's best, even when it's not the most pleasant thing to do, and commit to love them, which is a commitment, for all your life. People look at this as a burden. WHY!? It's not a burden to be with one person for the rest of your life, it's a great blessing! It's wonderful. It's magical! People lose the desire and energy to work at it. There's another key - work!
Without work, there are no results. Guys, love your wives, as much as you love yourselves. When you think of all the wonderful things you would love to have, do, see, etc. Start making an effort to work with the same effort you used to figure those out, and find out what your wife wants to have, see, do, etc. You do that and she will love and respect you forever! Wives do the same. Respect your husbands. If you respect your husbands, they will love you.
I know, I know, then you start thinking, but if I completely concentrate on the other person, who takes care of me? You don't get it do you? If BOTH of you are doing this, then EVERYONE is taken care of, everyone has fulfillment, everyone is as happy and loved as they need to be. It's not ever going to be perfect, but then only one person has ever been perfect. Just recognize that you're not perfect, they are not perfect, which means you can be imperfect together - perfectly! Help each other grow. That doesn't mean criticize each other or point out all the problems in the other person on a regular basis. That means build each other up. Think of what you need, the other person may need it too. Feel free to ask each other for help in areas of your life you want to work on. Learn to trust each other enough to be honest about your own problems, failures and lack of perfection. You get to the point where you can honestly tell each other ANYTHING, and you will have an amazingly strong marriage that will last a lifetime. It's hard to trust when the "problem" you have might or will hurt the other person to know about. That's the tough stuff. But if you both agree that the goal is to push through, grow together, and conquer whatever problem may come up, then you have already won the first battle, now it's time to wage war on imperfection.
Now the bottom line as far as I am concerned. Without a relationship centered on Christ, you will have problems all your lives. As my wife and I grow closer to Christ, we grow closer to each other. It's a fact that those who pray together, stay together. I love my wife with all my heart. She is my companion, best friend, lover, buddy, at times my partner in "crime" - LOL! and overall she is a wonderful part of my life that I couldn't live without. She makes me proud. I am proud to be her husband and when she looks at me and smiles, it melts my heart. My goal is to always feel that way, always love her, and always direct our relationship with Christ as the ultimate goal. I know we will do well. It will be hard at times, like it has been in the past. Endurance and will play a big part of it. Grace is another key issue that has kept us going. Without grace we would have ended our relationship a long time ago. Grace saved me and my wife, it's saved our marriage as well.

ANGRY!

Today I am angry. Right now I am also feeling like I should die. I deserve death for my many stupid and foolish choices I make everyday. I could sit and feel sorry fo myself, but I am too angry. I am angry that I fall into Satans traps so easily. Another test, another failure. You know what I mean? Whay do I so easily fall? Why do I do the things I don't want to so, and not do the things I know I should?!

Time and time again I feel the dread, the shame, the feeling I can not even lift my head to look towards heaven to see His face. I don't deserve His grace or forgivenes. I know I will have it, but sometimes I partially don't want it because I feel I need to feel bad, to be punished. I don't deserve to live.

Please forgive me Lord. Please for give my foolishness, my weakness. Stregnthen me so that I might walk in Your way. I give this broken life to You. Please make it into something that can be for Your glory. Please...forgive me. I don't deserve it, I know. And yet again I have put another nail in your wrist. I am not only sorry, I know what I do is wrong. I am so fallen and don't deserve to get up. Please use me as you please to accompish Your will, not mine. I don't wish to hurt you anymore, even though I know I will.

Thank you for your forgiveness and freedom to fail. I will again try to stand, even though my grif is enough to evertake me. I feel like I can not ask anything of you, I don't deserve it, yet I know you ask me to.

Happy Birthday?!

Today is my birthday....yep, I'm here at work where I know I am on the ignore list as far as birthdays are concerned. I've gone to pretty much every single impromptu birthday celebration with cake and whatever, but when my birthday comes around it doesn't seem to mean anything. I don't get it. What did I do? What did I not do? I've been here for close to six years and I still don't get the time a day when it comes to my birthday. Oh well, what am I getting upset about? This is corporate America isn't it? Isn't this what I should expect from a corporation and people who show favoritism and "who you know" get's you ahead? It's stupid!

Happy Birthday to me!! Big flippan deal!

Truth?!

There are times I just want to write. I just want to relay my thoughts in an interrupted flow of consciencness. But alas, this is not to be. Something, including my own thoughts wandering, get in the way and stop me.

There's a thing that got me thinking lately. It's called "The Truth Project", a seminar that teaches what "real truth" is. You know, I think it's a great thing, but I also think it's sad that even us who profess to have the truth don't know what we are talking about most of the time. I find it interesting that most of those I work with who profess to be "saved" are some of the most offensive people I have ever met. These people are the ones who cause people like me to have a bad name and look like hipocrites. Why?

The truth, let me get back to that. I find it interesting that people state they have thier "own view" on the truth. What the heck is that? Truth is like fact, either it is or is not. There's no interpretation of the truth. Like facts, they are not up for interpretation. They are facts. Putting facts together can lead one to a conclusion. But if everyone has the same facts and actually recognizes them for what they are, facts, no one could come up with any other conclusion but the truth! The truth is what really is, not what someone sees it is! That's like saying that your "version" of blue sky is not mine. That's stupid! Blue sky is blue sky, nothing else!

It's interesting that dictionaries seem to agree with this word meaning basically "what really is". It's also amazing to note that "the media" in general has no idea of this definition and has lost sight of the fact this is what they should be reporting. Instead we get a load of bias rhetoric by whoever may be the majority controlling power of whatever channel we are watching. Thus why I don't watch the news very often. What's the point? If I wanted to know somone else's opinion on something I would ask them. Not the newscaster, my friends or family. What there is left of that!

The truth project sounds like a great thing. Maybe it will actually get people to realize what the truth is. . . . . . . . okay maybe that's just too much to ask for!