You know I don't have anything specifically against Texas, I just have definite feelings on what I have observed here. You see, I'm an outsider looking into what I can see as almost a foreign land. This is not just a weather thing, it's a cultural thing as well.
The whole vibe here is much more "California-like" than any other state I have been in. It's a fast-paced, get out of my way attitude state that people are in a hurry to get somewhere, wherever it is they are going, no matter what time it is. Why are people in such a hurry? And the driving.......oh dear!
People drive like they are the only ones on the road. Its insane!! No wonder these people have caused so many problems when a bunch of them moved to the Springs. Good night! It's like a bunch of senior citizens ignoring the fact that they are on the road with the entire population of New York!!
Every time we have to go from work to the hotel, or vice-versa, I fear for my life! LOL!
Then we have the "scenery"....at least what there is to it. Flat in all directions. Hot as the miserable time of Summer in California, only with 200% humidity on top of that! I mean at 10:30pm the other night it was storming, raining in sheets, lightning and thunder, and close to 90 degrees! How miserable is that?! Thank you Lord for giving us air-conditioning!!
Well, I am feeling better than when I first arrived here. This is a good thing. I'm still not sleeping the best, I will have to figure something out for that. But overall I am doing better.
Hopefully soon I will be able to get to work on the graphics. I have been here for several days already and have had nothing to do for most of that time. Boooooring! I found out once I got here that they had sent me out here too early. Probably a week too early. But oh well, they are paying me to sit on my haunches and do nothing.
"Worked" a whole day yesterday. I do use the term loosely. "Worked" I mean. I really accomplished very little. Thus why I am writing this as I sit waiting for the morning meeting that is close to an hour away. What to do, what to do.
Oh well. Have a nice day and I will try also.
Where ever you go, there you are. At least think you are....What would I know about it, I'm not you!!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Insight..
There are times when one can have a view, a glimpse into another person's life. Given that perspective we can have many different reactions.
One reaction can be disgust with the person, depending on what perspective we are given. Another could be sorry at the endurance that the person must bear. Another could be compassion for the person whose life we glimpse that small view of, even if for just one moment. In all of these, the one thing in common is that we have learned. We have seen life from a perspective that is not usually our own.
Of course there is one other possible scenario in all of this, and it is perhaps the most sad one of all. This is when we sit in utter despair for ourselves. So consumed with our own "suffering" about what is not "normal" to us, we miss our time to glean a bit of knowledge on how someone else does it, how someone else copes, how well we have it when things are, in what we ourselves define as "normal".
I've had this experience many times in life and I will say that I have been in on each of these roads, yes, even the last sad one.
Of course of late I have had the unusual experience of being the object of the perspective. I've been the one whose life is being looked at, at least one aspect of it. And I ma sad to report that the person who had the insight into a struggle which haunts me daily, at this point in time, is moving down the road of the last.
You see what they are experiencing is something that will not last, and if things get really hard for them, they can get out. But what many tend not to think of or consider is the fact that the person that must continue in this struggle, like me, has no hope of every switching medicines, getting the right pair of glasses, or what ever other solution may present itself to those just visiting my struggle for a time. Instead of appreciating the struggle that we must fight through every day, they blindly and as quickly as they can, move back to that place where they are comfortable. They leave behind the opportunity to place value on the struggle. Instead it becomes an annoyance and "burden" for them that I, or we as the case may be, continue to struggle with it.
But ultimately, what can I do? What can I, as the object of the "study" do? Well, I can learn and make sure that I don't retrace the steps of the person who refused to learn.
Appreciate the struggles of others, even when you may see them as silly, weak, or otherwise. Remember, at one point in your life, you most likely struggled with the very thing that has become, or has been for a long while the thorn in the flesh of the person you are "tolerating.
One reaction can be disgust with the person, depending on what perspective we are given. Another could be sorry at the endurance that the person must bear. Another could be compassion for the person whose life we glimpse that small view of, even if for just one moment. In all of these, the one thing in common is that we have learned. We have seen life from a perspective that is not usually our own.
Of course there is one other possible scenario in all of this, and it is perhaps the most sad one of all. This is when we sit in utter despair for ourselves. So consumed with our own "suffering" about what is not "normal" to us, we miss our time to glean a bit of knowledge on how someone else does it, how someone else copes, how well we have it when things are, in what we ourselves define as "normal".
I've had this experience many times in life and I will say that I have been in on each of these roads, yes, even the last sad one.
Of course of late I have had the unusual experience of being the object of the perspective. I've been the one whose life is being looked at, at least one aspect of it. And I ma sad to report that the person who had the insight into a struggle which haunts me daily, at this point in time, is moving down the road of the last.
You see what they are experiencing is something that will not last, and if things get really hard for them, they can get out. But what many tend not to think of or consider is the fact that the person that must continue in this struggle, like me, has no hope of every switching medicines, getting the right pair of glasses, or what ever other solution may present itself to those just visiting my struggle for a time. Instead of appreciating the struggle that we must fight through every day, they blindly and as quickly as they can, move back to that place where they are comfortable. They leave behind the opportunity to place value on the struggle. Instead it becomes an annoyance and "burden" for them that I, or we as the case may be, continue to struggle with it.
But ultimately, what can I do? What can I, as the object of the "study" do? Well, I can learn and make sure that I don't retrace the steps of the person who refused to learn.
Appreciate the struggles of others, even when you may see them as silly, weak, or otherwise. Remember, at one point in your life, you most likely struggled with the very thing that has become, or has been for a long while the thorn in the flesh of the person you are "tolerating.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Jobs, jobs, jobs.....
Well I am anxiously awaiting to hear if I have a local position with Verizon. I am really hoping that God will answer our prayers and allow me to be local instead of having to travel for work.
- Anim8or4Christ
- Anim8or4Christ
Sunday, June 07, 2009
iPod Blogging
So I am trying something new. Ok, I'm trying to blog from my iPod. Not really thrilled with the fact I can't type in the landscape mode. But so far the correction for the typing is doing a pretty sweet job of getting almost everything I really want on here.
-- Post From My iPhone
-- Post From My iPhone
Monday, March 16, 2009
Dear God....
Dear God,
First off, let me ask the question of “where the heck have you been”!? You know for the last two years or so, really more, my family and I have experienced one hardship after another and it seems to me that you have gotten to the point where you don’t seem to care anymore. What’s the deal?
We were in California for quite some time and at first it seemed like you wanted us out there, but I have to wonder why. Why would you want us in a place where suffering and pain are our buddies and depression always seems to be coming to visit?! We had friends and family totally abandon us, we had people take advantage of us and ultimately, those folks that were staying with us, when they left, they stole all our food for crying out loud! They didn’t pay any rent, they had free internet, at our expense, free food, and I even fixed their stuff without ever asking for anything in return. They came to stay for 10 days and ended up staying for months! It was miserable! And you just sat there and let it happen! WHY?! Where were you?
Now we move out here, again thinking you’re in control, you know what you’re doing and we trusted you. For the last four months I struggled to find a job, for four months you did nothing! We were a part of what we thought was a great church, but then all the problems started. Not only did that church reject my friends, but they openly would contradict your word and had no clue how to discipline anyone! It was chaos! We ended up leaving in the way we thought you wanted us to leave, again thinking we were following your will, and yet no one EVER contacted us again! They said they were our friends regardless of what happened….what a bunch of liars! Then my mom finds out she has breast cancer and has to suffer through the pain of surgery and recovery. Of course she still get’s to face kemo-thearpy, oh that sounds like fun, but where are you in all of this? Why did you let that happen? Why did you have to allow my family to suffer so?
I’m tired, I’m downright sick and tired of being abuses, used, and thrown away when supposedly, your people, are through with me and my family! So, here’s to you God, great job! Good thinking with the whole moving thing and oh, I have to admit, turning the entire family, well most of it, against us was just a great addition to the already painful wounds we suffered. Yeah, that worked out to some great salt in the wound there!
Oh yes, and having to leave our pets with a total stranger out there right at the end really helped everyone look forward to the move out here in to “no-man’s land” Colorado!
Thanks for nothing!
Sincerely,
Peter’s Flesh
P.S.
We grabbed this letter before Flesh could mail it so we could put in what we needed to as well.
Hey God, this is Peter’s soul here and I just wanted to make sure that you understood that Mr. Flesh there doesn’t speak for the rest of us here. Conscience, Spirit and I thought it might be a good idea to add to the letter and let you know what our observations have been.
First off let me say that it has been a trial, and it has seemed like one after another. Sometimes the world can seem like an incredibly cruel and lonely place. When we were going through the events of the last few years I will be honest there were times that we did not see your hand, but always had the hope and assurance that it was there. AS far as the state of the word itself, we know that it’s fallen and as you said, “it rains on the righteous and the unrighteous”. I will admit it’s not the nicest prospect, but seems to be logical and ultimately just.
During our time in California that Flesh seemed to be so eloquently referring to, we did have some hard and difficult times with family and friends. But looking back I can see your hand moving through the events time and time again. You taught us about boundaries, you gave me the strength to say “no” and to stand up for my family even when it would have been easier to sit and let things happen, as I have to admit I have done many times in the past.
You showed us that we should rely on you and only you. Through you we get our value, our definition, our purpose and meaning. I can’t get that through a job, through friends or even through family. You showed me the value of focus, you showed me how to not compromise on the values and ethics that I believe so strongly in and that you have taught me.
You used these miserable people to show us the value and joy we can have in our family as a unit. You showed me just how good of a job I am able to do with you in my life and how wonderful a family you have given me. You have shown me through this time of trial what a wonderful, gracious and patient God you are. You also showed me that justice is not always something I should be seeking and that grace is the prime goal of what a “real” disciple of Christ should be.
You showed us, granted the hard way because of OUR choices, how to love those who are, in the world’s opinion, unlovable. Through the hardships and loss you showed us how much we really have, just in you and each other as a family unit.
I know that many have told me that this is not important and that you may not see this of any value, but I know better. Through your word you have revealed to me that what I see as important in life, you value and see as important as well. Those things that affect my heart effect yours as well. Leaving the dogs we had was a painful thing, I will admit that. But I know it was for the best and since I know, through an email we received from the new owner, that they are doing well and it has worked out to be a good home for them.
We know that the world is a fallen one, as I had mentioned before, and we know that it’s not “your will” that my mother has breast cancer, but I do know that you are the great physician and that “all things work for the good” for those of us who are your children. I know you are here and I know you are holding my mother in your arms and loving her through this whole trial. No matter what the "reason", if there really needs to be one with the world the way it is, I trust you and will rely on you for my strength, and her's as we weather this storm.
Granted we have other struggles and Flesh does get in the way from time to time. Right now we are having the whole debate on the fact that you CAN do anything but WILL you do anything….you know how that goes. I say that you already have done so much that it’s overwhelming; Flash just wants to focus on all the negative problems and trials, instead of looking at the outcome. You never said we wouldn’t have trials or problems, but as keep reminding Flesh, you DID promise that the outcome would be good. He is relentless!
So, in deference to Flesh’s assessment and opinion on the matter, we thank you for the difficulties, trials and hardships and thank you for your grace, mercy and patience which ultimately was sufficient for us through this trying time. We know that you will be here with us through whatever the future holds. Please forgive us for allowing Flesh to rear his ugly head from time to time. He just seems to be able to get out of that grave we keep putting him in with the “old man”. We were going to have a funeral for him, but figured nobody would come. And anyone who would come to it wouldn’t be worth inviting anyway! LOL!
Right now we have Flesh locked in a coffin using bands of love, forgiveness, grace and mercy. We also caulked up all the open cracks with hope and assurance, just for good measure. I know he will figure out some way of getting back out, but well be ready for him. Forgive us for what he says and does at times. Conscience says he will work with Holy Spirit to let us know when he’s back.
Thanks again for your incredible sacrifice that changed the world, and more importantly changed me heart and allowed me the opportunity to write this to you.
Also, as you know, this fight will most likely go on and on, sometimes we will get the chance to write something, other times Flesh will get his way and some pretty nasty things will go out to you. Either way, thanks for your grace and mercy during those times.
Love you!
- Peter ( Soul – you know us all! Including that jerk Flesh….. )
First off, let me ask the question of “where the heck have you been”!? You know for the last two years or so, really more, my family and I have experienced one hardship after another and it seems to me that you have gotten to the point where you don’t seem to care anymore. What’s the deal?
We were in California for quite some time and at first it seemed like you wanted us out there, but I have to wonder why. Why would you want us in a place where suffering and pain are our buddies and depression always seems to be coming to visit?! We had friends and family totally abandon us, we had people take advantage of us and ultimately, those folks that were staying with us, when they left, they stole all our food for crying out loud! They didn’t pay any rent, they had free internet, at our expense, free food, and I even fixed their stuff without ever asking for anything in return. They came to stay for 10 days and ended up staying for months! It was miserable! And you just sat there and let it happen! WHY?! Where were you?
Now we move out here, again thinking you’re in control, you know what you’re doing and we trusted you. For the last four months I struggled to find a job, for four months you did nothing! We were a part of what we thought was a great church, but then all the problems started. Not only did that church reject my friends, but they openly would contradict your word and had no clue how to discipline anyone! It was chaos! We ended up leaving in the way we thought you wanted us to leave, again thinking we were following your will, and yet no one EVER contacted us again! They said they were our friends regardless of what happened….what a bunch of liars! Then my mom finds out she has breast cancer and has to suffer through the pain of surgery and recovery. Of course she still get’s to face kemo-thearpy, oh that sounds like fun, but where are you in all of this? Why did you let that happen? Why did you have to allow my family to suffer so?
I’m tired, I’m downright sick and tired of being abuses, used, and thrown away when supposedly, your people, are through with me and my family! So, here’s to you God, great job! Good thinking with the whole moving thing and oh, I have to admit, turning the entire family, well most of it, against us was just a great addition to the already painful wounds we suffered. Yeah, that worked out to some great salt in the wound there!
Oh yes, and having to leave our pets with a total stranger out there right at the end really helped everyone look forward to the move out here in to “no-man’s land” Colorado!
Thanks for nothing!
Sincerely,
Peter’s Flesh
P.S.
We grabbed this letter before Flesh could mail it so we could put in what we needed to as well.
Hey God, this is Peter’s soul here and I just wanted to make sure that you understood that Mr. Flesh there doesn’t speak for the rest of us here. Conscience, Spirit and I thought it might be a good idea to add to the letter and let you know what our observations have been.
First off let me say that it has been a trial, and it has seemed like one after another. Sometimes the world can seem like an incredibly cruel and lonely place. When we were going through the events of the last few years I will be honest there were times that we did not see your hand, but always had the hope and assurance that it was there. AS far as the state of the word itself, we know that it’s fallen and as you said, “it rains on the righteous and the unrighteous”. I will admit it’s not the nicest prospect, but seems to be logical and ultimately just.
During our time in California that Flesh seemed to be so eloquently referring to, we did have some hard and difficult times with family and friends. But looking back I can see your hand moving through the events time and time again. You taught us about boundaries, you gave me the strength to say “no” and to stand up for my family even when it would have been easier to sit and let things happen, as I have to admit I have done many times in the past.
You showed us that we should rely on you and only you. Through you we get our value, our definition, our purpose and meaning. I can’t get that through a job, through friends or even through family. You showed me the value of focus, you showed me how to not compromise on the values and ethics that I believe so strongly in and that you have taught me.
You used these miserable people to show us the value and joy we can have in our family as a unit. You showed me just how good of a job I am able to do with you in my life and how wonderful a family you have given me. You have shown me through this time of trial what a wonderful, gracious and patient God you are. You also showed me that justice is not always something I should be seeking and that grace is the prime goal of what a “real” disciple of Christ should be.
You showed us, granted the hard way because of OUR choices, how to love those who are, in the world’s opinion, unlovable. Through the hardships and loss you showed us how much we really have, just in you and each other as a family unit.
I know that many have told me that this is not important and that you may not see this of any value, but I know better. Through your word you have revealed to me that what I see as important in life, you value and see as important as well. Those things that affect my heart effect yours as well. Leaving the dogs we had was a painful thing, I will admit that. But I know it was for the best and since I know, through an email we received from the new owner, that they are doing well and it has worked out to be a good home for them.
We know that the world is a fallen one, as I had mentioned before, and we know that it’s not “your will” that my mother has breast cancer, but I do know that you are the great physician and that “all things work for the good” for those of us who are your children. I know you are here and I know you are holding my mother in your arms and loving her through this whole trial. No matter what the "reason", if there really needs to be one with the world the way it is, I trust you and will rely on you for my strength, and her's as we weather this storm.
Granted we have other struggles and Flesh does get in the way from time to time. Right now we are having the whole debate on the fact that you CAN do anything but WILL you do anything….you know how that goes. I say that you already have done so much that it’s overwhelming; Flash just wants to focus on all the negative problems and trials, instead of looking at the outcome. You never said we wouldn’t have trials or problems, but as keep reminding Flesh, you DID promise that the outcome would be good. He is relentless!
So, in deference to Flesh’s assessment and opinion on the matter, we thank you for the difficulties, trials and hardships and thank you for your grace, mercy and patience which ultimately was sufficient for us through this trying time. We know that you will be here with us through whatever the future holds. Please forgive us for allowing Flesh to rear his ugly head from time to time. He just seems to be able to get out of that grave we keep putting him in with the “old man”. We were going to have a funeral for him, but figured nobody would come. And anyone who would come to it wouldn’t be worth inviting anyway! LOL!
Right now we have Flesh locked in a coffin using bands of love, forgiveness, grace and mercy. We also caulked up all the open cracks with hope and assurance, just for good measure. I know he will figure out some way of getting back out, but well be ready for him. Forgive us for what he says and does at times. Conscience says he will work with Holy Spirit to let us know when he’s back.
Thanks again for your incredible sacrifice that changed the world, and more importantly changed me heart and allowed me the opportunity to write this to you.
Also, as you know, this fight will most likely go on and on, sometimes we will get the chance to write something, other times Flesh will get his way and some pretty nasty things will go out to you. Either way, thanks for your grace and mercy during those times.
Love you!
- Peter ( Soul – you know us all! Including that jerk Flesh….. )
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Thinking . . . . But God....
There are times I absolutely marvel at the way life goes and what happens.
I could be very angry, depressed, hopeless and catatonic.
In a world where cancer comes and visits that family for the third time,
where jobs are so scarce that very few have them around me,
where hope toys with one's emotions and dreams and slaps you in the face over and over...
It's tough to continue to fight through, to continue to hope, continue to dream, to allow one's self to look forward to anything at all. I have for so long been in "survival" mode I have forgotten how to hope and dream like I used to. Depression has been a companion of mine...
But God...
I look back and I see Him working in my life.
I went without income for three months, but I had shelter, food and family.
I went for a long time living around those who had it out for me time and time again, yet I still have friends who care and family who loves me.
I went for a long time with no church home, yet I still had God's love in my heart and His word to guide me.
I have an amazing wife who loves me, in spite of me at times. I have two incredible daughters that make me proud.
Even though I have had a hard time of late, I have to say that God is good, all the time, no matter what and I have so much to be thankful for and so many reason, even though many are carnal, to be faithful and trusting of Him.
Thank you Lord for saving me, my family and many of my friends. Those who aren't saved, work on 'em!
I could be very angry, depressed, hopeless and catatonic.
In a world where cancer comes and visits that family for the third time,
where jobs are so scarce that very few have them around me,
where hope toys with one's emotions and dreams and slaps you in the face over and over...
It's tough to continue to fight through, to continue to hope, continue to dream, to allow one's self to look forward to anything at all. I have for so long been in "survival" mode I have forgotten how to hope and dream like I used to. Depression has been a companion of mine...
But God...
I look back and I see Him working in my life.
I went without income for three months, but I had shelter, food and family.
I went for a long time living around those who had it out for me time and time again, yet I still have friends who care and family who loves me.
I went for a long time with no church home, yet I still had God's love in my heart and His word to guide me.
I have an amazing wife who loves me, in spite of me at times. I have two incredible daughters that make me proud.
Even though I have had a hard time of late, I have to say that God is good, all the time, no matter what and I have so much to be thankful for and so many reason, even though many are carnal, to be faithful and trusting of Him.
Thank you Lord for saving me, my family and many of my friends. Those who aren't saved, work on 'em!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Hanging in there....
I am trying hard to not be anxious. Here I am on the edge of the possibility of a new job, that could be close to the "perfect" job for me. It has so far, everything I have been looking for in a job. I'm nervous as I wait to find out whether they will even be considering me out of however many people they have had apply, or have found. I don't know what my competition is, what is reasonable as far as salary goes, or what all is expected of me as far as travel in concerned. I know I would be flying out from time to time for meetings and such, but outside of that I don't know what's expected.
I have several questions, that I will ask if I am interviewed and asked to come on.
My biggest problem is not knowing what's going on. When I don't have a ll the facts, I worry, I get tentative, and I stress out. I know I shouldn't but I do anyway.
Well, I will continue on just "being" until I hear something. I guess I should just keep praying and hoping that this is the job and that it will be a blessing to me.
I have several questions, that I will ask if I am interviewed and asked to come on.
My biggest problem is not knowing what's going on. When I don't have a ll the facts, I worry, I get tentative, and I stress out. I know I shouldn't but I do anyway.
Well, I will continue on just "being" until I hear something. I guess I should just keep praying and hoping that this is the job and that it will be a blessing to me.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
What the HECK!?!?
Okay, I am getting more than a little pissed!
Okay, I find out that my wife's grandfather just died and his side of the family had no intention of telling anyone. What a bunch of mindless jerks! This was the last of her grandparents, she has none alive anymore, even on my side they are all gone.
Let's couple this with the fact I still can't get a job and we are going on the third month!
Then we add in to the mix my mother found two lumps in her breast and the doctor confirmed that they were there. The doctor stated she should not lose any sleep over it and they would be doing a biopsy on Tuesday next week....but come on, breast cancer runs in her family, thus in mine!
Now let's get back to the whhole job thing. I have on my computer several sofware programs that I use on a regular basis. They are left overs from the places i have worked and they are professional grade. They just went nuts and are not working properly. . . . why not. . . . .
Without these programs I will be unable to edit or produce any more portfolio pieces. I think I am going to crawl under my bed and cry for a bit.
All of this, along with a bunch of other stuff, keeps making me want to question whether I was really supposed to move out here or not. I don't know......well, yes I do, at least I thought I did.
Why do we need to go through all of this again?! WHY?! How much more are we supposed to lose before it's enough?
My heart aches.
Okay, I find out that my wife's grandfather just died and his side of the family had no intention of telling anyone. What a bunch of mindless jerks! This was the last of her grandparents, she has none alive anymore, even on my side they are all gone.
Let's couple this with the fact I still can't get a job and we are going on the third month!
Then we add in to the mix my mother found two lumps in her breast and the doctor confirmed that they were there. The doctor stated she should not lose any sleep over it and they would be doing a biopsy on Tuesday next week....but come on, breast cancer runs in her family, thus in mine!
Now let's get back to the whhole job thing. I have on my computer several sofware programs that I use on a regular basis. They are left overs from the places i have worked and they are professional grade. They just went nuts and are not working properly. . . . why not. . . . .
Without these programs I will be unable to edit or produce any more portfolio pieces. I think I am going to crawl under my bed and cry for a bit.
All of this, along with a bunch of other stuff, keeps making me want to question whether I was really supposed to move out here or not. I don't know......well, yes I do, at least I thought I did.
Why do we need to go through all of this again?! WHY?! How much more are we supposed to lose before it's enough?
My heart aches.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Employment Woes...........
Okay, I need to know what is the deal? Here we have the economy going ape over the next president coming in when the exact opposite should be happening based upon what I kept hearing from the supporters of Obama. What's the deal?!
I am unemployed right now because I had to move out of state and even after my "employer" stated that we would be able to work things out since I worked remote for 99% of the time, they didn't want to work with me do here I sit.
I have most of my family and I's belongings in storage, which we have no income to pay for, we have a car that we have no income to pay on, and we have phones that will be going dark later this month! I have sent out and contacted over twenty different agencies, businesses and corporations and yet only three, yes only three, have had the decency to call me back or contact me in any way to let me know they are not interested.
Now I find that a company I used to work for has a position that I could easily fill, but they have a "client" that has a certain person in mind for them to hire for the position. I may not get consideration because this company wants to comit a crime and hire someone that the "client" wants there! Yes, it's illegal and WRONG! But what can I, the lowly consumer and unemployed person do?
I have tried to get other jobs that are out of my area of expertise, but I get the same response from all of them......."Over-qualified".......... This stinks!
So what am I to do?
I am unemployed right now because I had to move out of state and even after my "employer" stated that we would be able to work things out since I worked remote for 99% of the time, they didn't want to work with me do here I sit.
I have most of my family and I's belongings in storage, which we have no income to pay for, we have a car that we have no income to pay on, and we have phones that will be going dark later this month! I have sent out and contacted over twenty different agencies, businesses and corporations and yet only three, yes only three, have had the decency to call me back or contact me in any way to let me know they are not interested.
Now I find that a company I used to work for has a position that I could easily fill, but they have a "client" that has a certain person in mind for them to hire for the position. I may not get consideration because this company wants to comit a crime and hire someone that the "client" wants there! Yes, it's illegal and WRONG! But what can I, the lowly consumer and unemployed person do?
I have tried to get other jobs that are out of my area of expertise, but I get the same response from all of them......."Over-qualified".......... This stinks!
So what am I to do?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Dispair...
Lord be my refuge in this time of weary anguish.
Lord be my strength in this time of woe.
Please guide me and make my heart steadfast on you so that I will not slip into the abyss that so many times has claimed me. I feel my heart dropping and my eyes fill with tears.
I feel my whole being slowly dieing in a mass of depression and shame. I fell as a failure, as nothing again, my accomplishments are nothing, they lay waste before me in a pile of regret and lies. Or is it failure, or just that I can not see what you see at your vantage point?
I try but my attempts go unrealized, I fight against the coming threat of sadness, but I am weak. I have cried out many times, but I feel the wall once again rising between us and your voice once again fading into a whisper that is slowly strangled by my own despair and exhaustion.
I thought this was where you wanted me, I thought I was following the open doors, but maybe I am a fool, maybe I see openings where there are none. Maybe I am so wrong that I can fail at a moment's notice into a pit that only you could remove me.
I am fighting the regrets, seeing what I thought as right to be wrong. The "maybe's" overrun my mind with thoughts of foolishness.
Why? There is a question that haunts me, that drills on my head finding soft and new skin to penetrate and scar. I feel the pain of it's sting even now as I ponder what I have done. Have I failed you, have I failed my family? Will we once again find ourselves in the pit that we have escaped from, only with your help, several times before. This time, my fault, my lack of wisdom has brought us here.
Lord, help me. Please, help US.
If I need to fall, let it not hit my family. I despise what I see in the mirror. Why am I here? Why did I bring my family here? Why did I think I could be what I am not?
What am I to do?
Help, please.......
Lord be my strength in this time of woe.
Please guide me and make my heart steadfast on you so that I will not slip into the abyss that so many times has claimed me. I feel my heart dropping and my eyes fill with tears.
I feel my whole being slowly dieing in a mass of depression and shame. I fell as a failure, as nothing again, my accomplishments are nothing, they lay waste before me in a pile of regret and lies. Or is it failure, or just that I can not see what you see at your vantage point?
I try but my attempts go unrealized, I fight against the coming threat of sadness, but I am weak. I have cried out many times, but I feel the wall once again rising between us and your voice once again fading into a whisper that is slowly strangled by my own despair and exhaustion.
I thought this was where you wanted me, I thought I was following the open doors, but maybe I am a fool, maybe I see openings where there are none. Maybe I am so wrong that I can fail at a moment's notice into a pit that only you could remove me.
I am fighting the regrets, seeing what I thought as right to be wrong. The "maybe's" overrun my mind with thoughts of foolishness.
Why? There is a question that haunts me, that drills on my head finding soft and new skin to penetrate and scar. I feel the pain of it's sting even now as I ponder what I have done. Have I failed you, have I failed my family? Will we once again find ourselves in the pit that we have escaped from, only with your help, several times before. This time, my fault, my lack of wisdom has brought us here.
Lord, help me. Please, help US.
If I need to fall, let it not hit my family. I despise what I see in the mirror. Why am I here? Why did I bring my family here? Why did I think I could be what I am not?
What am I to do?
Help, please.......