Again?!

One of THE most difficult things to do in life is to keep going when you really don't have any desire, no reason, no motivation to keep going. There have been times, like right now, that I have to look at how things are going right now and try to discern whether or not these "happenings" are just life, god telling me something, or simply life abusing me....lol! Just kidding about the abuse thing, it's not really that, it just FEELS like it at times.

Just like leaving a family of friends and people I had grown very close to, the steps leading up to that were quite similar to what has been going on at this new job of mine. I can't tell right now if I should simply last through it, fight tooth and nail, or as graciously as I can, bow out and seek what the next adventure is that God wants me to experience. Whether we were supposed to step out of our church and go where God wanted us to go was painfully obvious, and I mean that literally, after I was stubborn enough to dig in my heels against God's will. Here, it's not so clear.

Things are difficult and I have to admit, my last bits and pieces of ego and self-esteem have all but been beat to a pulp. There have been mistakes I have made that I KNOW I should have caught. Now there have been some other things happen which I have sat here trying desperately to figure out how they happened. It's doesn't make sense. Not at all.

So here I am, confused, which I know is not of God....frustrated, which I know is not of God.....and overwhelmed, which I know is also not of God. It's a situation where I want to throw my hands in the air and tell my boss I give up. I know that's what I have to do with it as far as God is concerned. I have to hand it over to Him.

Will I hear Him this time? Will I get the message without having to go through all the pain I  had to go through before?

Lord, please help me in this. Direct me, guide me, give me the wisdom enough to not hit my head against yet another wall over and over again.

I know you got me this job, is it time to leave already? Even though it means putting my family in financial jeopardy, I will leave if that is what you want me to do. If I am to stay, make it obvious to me, please. I'm just not that smart! LOL!

What should I do?

It's aggravating when I find myself stumbling across something that I know is bad for someone else. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but working with people and their computers I stumble across a lot of things that really disturb me. I find pictures that they should never have been looking at, conversation these people should never have been having and all of this I hate to say I discover in the few moments that it takes me to realize what I am looking at and close whatever t is I am obviously not supposed to see. I guess god feels that way at times. He's privy to everything, I mean EVERYTHING in our lives. Every time we make the wrong decision, He is there. He offers us advice through others and His word, but we stil pull the stunts that we do. When I discover this type of stuff it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't talk about it, I don't discuss it, I say nothing. I know that I should, but these people are trusting me to not look at what I shouldn't. In fat there have been times that I have had to sign agreements that do not allow me to discuss what I "may" see with anyone, including letting the people who own the computer know I have seen whatever it is. My family bought a used computer from a guy who did real estate stuff for people. I won't even pretend to understand what it was I saw, but I had the names, addresses, phone numbers, financial records, and in some cases social security numbers as well for people that this moron had done business with. He hadn't even gone through and cleaned the hard drive off. AMAZING! Makes me feel real good about anyone having a laptop or computer at home that they use for work.

Anyway, I don't know how I got here, but it's tough to see what I have seen and then struggle with whether or not I should say anything.

The Ultimate in Bachelor Laziness.....LOL!

You know, having a bachelor in the house one gets a first hand look at the amount of laziness a bachelor exudes. It's amazing how little they want to do, how little they will do, if they can get away with it. It also get's pretty painful on the senses on how little they will bathe and take care of themselves physically.

Take a shower once in a while! You'll get more dates that way!!

Now I have seen many people taking advantage of the "bachelor" lifestyle in the past, but this one takes the cake. I have never seen anyone taking more advantage of the laziness of bachelors that Manpacks.com. The whole idea is so disturbing to me. I had to admit when I heard about it I couldn't stop laughing because I didn't think it was serious. Then I found out it was and I laughed harder. then it hit me, the real ramifications of this......

Okay, so here's the concept.....A guy can have t-shirts, socks and underwear delivered to his house, in the quantity or package he wants, every three months. Now I would hope that during this period of time the bachelor would take the time to wash them. But, as I have seen many times, this is most likely something that few will do with the prospect of more coming in the mail soon.

Here's what is even more disturbing to me though...what are they going to do with the other underwear, and I'm speaking generally now, that they are "finished" with? Where are all of these pairs of dirty socks, t-shirts that have the aroma of death and underwear, that I won't go into describing, going to end up? I mean, I thought the landfill smelled bad now! What will happen when all this goes on and these guys take advantage of this service?

I know, I know, it probably doesn't work that way, and most would only use it if they were destroying clothes on a monthly basis. But still, you have to know there will be some that will think; "Why wash, when I can just get new ones?"

Well, there's your disturbing thought for the day. Have a great one!

Laugh often!

Collaborate on Google!

Here's my first shameless plug for Google. I have become a Google-a-holic of late, simply because of the amazing tools, applications and capabilities that Google has released out there. If you're not already doing it, you might want to find out what Google has to offer. These folks are already worrying Microsoft. I like that...LOL!

I talk to people everyday who are dying for a good collaboration tool. they look the internet over and see so many solutions at outrageous prices, that it completely and totally turns them off to every getting a good one. they get off the idea and go back the way they were doing things before. Now there are some good systems out there, but most people in my position where funds are lacking and the thought of having to update my computer to handle the new capabilities is more than a little daunting. Being a Googlite like myslef, I've found the solution.

Most of the time we are looking for a way to collaborate on documents. This is easily accomplished with Google Documents. It's a free service they have available for anyone with a Google account. One can create a document and then easily share it out with anyone else that has a Google account. there are some solutions for people who don't have Google accounts, but it's less secure. The collaboration tools in Google Docs is amazing. you can actually have two or more people editing the same document at the same time. Pretty cool, huh? And with the built-in chat feature you can keep up with the others editing or update someone who had just "joined" you in editing the document.

So, take a look at Google Documents. It's got some great features, great compatibility, fast, easy and the price is right....FREE!

Life as an adventure...............

There are times when I have to stop and think really hard about my circumstances and where I am at in life.

Right now I am over forty, I have two kids in their teens, in fact one in her late teens....YIKES! And I am in a job that barely would pay the rent, I have my wife's youngest brother living with us to help support us, as well as one of our cousins and her son, while her husband is deployed to Afghanistan. Again, this is really helping us to do more than survive. I am greatly thankful for all of this. This is not at all what I had imagined for myself at this time of my life. I thought I would be much more stable and have that "Dream job" that I had always wanted. Well, life doesn't always work that way, in fact, the longer I live the more I see that life doesn't work that way for most people. We will have opportunities from time to time to get ahead financially, or have a great family year with adventures and time together, or maybe even get a taste of that dream job for a few years. All of this is great, but when it comes right down to it, I have learned to train my mind to be content.

You know I heard the question "If nothing ever changed again in your life, would you be able to say to God, honestly, I am content, this is okay, I can exist here. I will tell you, up until pretty recient, I would not have been able to do that. I would not have been able to say, that it is okay of nothing ever changed.

 Now, I can say that I am much more trusting of God, I am much more content with my situation at home and I am getting better and better about my work situation as well. Granted I have to admit that I am not "satisfied" yet with my job as it is, but it does put food on the table and keeps us from being on the street. I am blessed and it's just another opportunity to be humbled and be prepared for whatever God has for me next.

Now I do have an opportunity that is presenting itself to me to move into another, and completely foriegn, area of work. I am both excited and nervous about it. Nover been in this area and was never really sure if it was an area I could ever survive in. But now here it is, it has great potential, great opportunity, and could turn out to be another huge bust if things do not pan out. But I will do as I have been, truest that God knows what's happening, He will guide me and He directs my path.

What an adventure life has become!

Contenment

You know there have been many time in the past that I have had great jobs. I am talking about dream type jobs that make other people jealous and e sit in great contentment.....well, at least they should have. Many times I have been so blessed with amazing jobs that I could have stayed in for the rest of my life and been quite happy. But I wasn't then. Isn't it sad that no matter what we get in to and what God blesses us with we have to find some sort of reason to be unhappy in it. No matter what. Each one of those "dream jobs" of mine I found something to complain about to the point I was ready to jump ship about. Sad, rally sad.

What I am trying to do now is look at ANY opportunity that I am presented with as a major blessing from God and I have to choose to be glad in it. No matter what the case. you see, I have been out of work for over six months and now I am in a a job that, based on my previous experience, pays me an insulting amount an hour, doesn't utilize ANY of my talents and abilities that I've spent the last twenty years developing, BUT.....God blessed me with it. It's positive income, a chance for me to show my appreciation to Him and be content in a tough situation.

Right now I am working on several opportunities to bring in a steady income. With today's economy, the state of the company I work for right now, it's good that I have other possibilities in the wings. I am hoping and praying that these will come to fruition. These other opportunities would allow me to work from home and spend time with my family and focus more on ministry.

I thank God for my house and the wonderful family I have.